When the proverb calls this love the kitovu (umbilical cord or root) of uzembe (foolishness, idiocy, or negligence), it means that foolish actions are not accidents—they are birthed from this specific kind of blind affection. How do you know when love has crossed into the dangerous zone of uzembe?
He disrespects you in public, she lies about money, they disappear for days without explanation. But you say, “But I love them.” That is ngoswe . ngoswe penzi kitovu cha uzembe
Why does love—one of the most beautiful human emotions—so often become the gateway to our worst decisions? The word ngoswe implies carelessness, negligence, or a sloppy lack of caution. It is not the careful, respectful love of a wise person. It is the love that rushes in without looking, that forgives what should never be forgiven, that spends what it does not have, and that stays long after respect has left the building. When the proverb calls this love the kitovu
You find yourself lying for a partner, covering up their mistakes, or abandoning your dreams to keep the peace. Love was meant to elevate you, not turn you into a stranger. But you say, “But I love them
Culturally, we have been fed myths: that love means suffering, that real love never gives up, that jealousy equals passion, and that leaving is failure. These myths are the fertilizer for uzembe . The proverb does not say love is bad. It says ngoswe penzi —reckless, excessive, blind love—is the problem. True love is clear-eyed. True love respects boundaries. True love does not demand you become a fool.