Dame Tessa Blunt, covered in fig leaves and dignity, refuses to participate. She stands on a broken column and delivers a 15-minute unscripted soliloquy to the night sky.

Lightning from the Zeus camera strikes the camp’s only toilet. It explodes. Nadia Pop begins singing “Rise Like a Phoenix” over the smouldering wreckage.

Chloe Diamond is selected. The floor of the shipwreck opens. She drops into a submerged cargo hold.

For 11 glorious minutes, JJ gets absolutely destroyed. Tasos body-slams him onto a bed of spiky sea urchins. He uses JJ’s own signature move – the “Viper’s Kiss” – against him. JJ taps out. Then he cries. Then he apologizes to the ear-biting victim from 2022. The audience loves it.

It’s not a jungle. It’s a sun-scorched, windswept peninsula called “Nekros” (The Dead One). The camp is a circle of broken marble columns. The “Celebrity Hotel” is a rusted shipwreck half-buried in black sand.

But the Minotaur is not an actor in a suit. It’s a retired, 400-pound Greek wrestler named , wearing a leather bull mask, hopped up on ouzo and spite. The PPV commentators go silent.