(showing up with an eyepatch and a pager): “We need you to save Earth.” CAROL: “Does Earth have good Wi-Fi?” NICK FURY: “It’s 1995.” CAROL: “Then no.” The Villain Yon-Rogg , now a washed-up Kree influencer, tries to convince Carol to come back to Hala with a motivational poster and a PowerPoint titled “You Didn’t Build That Binary Power.”
She crash-lands through the roof of a (it’s the ‘90s, after all). A teenager hands her a rewinding machine. She stares at it like it’s a Kree weapon. captain marvel parody
Carol flies through three Kree warships, stops to fix her ponytail, then accidentally sneezes and destroys a fourth. The bad guys surrender out of sheer embarrassment. Post-Credits Scene Carol sits in a diner, eating onion rings. A pager buzzes. She looks at it. Looks at the onion rings. Puts the pager in a blender. (showing up with an eyepatch and a pager):
“You, like, okay?” CAROL: “I have no memory of who I am. But I do know one thing.” [pause] “That ‘non-fat yogurt’ poster over there is lying.” The Twist on Her Powers Carol is absurdly, comically overpowered — but completely apathetic. She can punch through a warship, but only if it’s in her way to a food court pretzel stand. Carol flies through three Kree warships, stops to
“That thing is an alien menace.” CAROL: “He’s a rescue. Also, he ate my last nerve. So congrats, Fury — you’re now my emotional support human.” Climax (Parody Style) The Skrulls reveal they’re not evil — just really bad at organizing group projects. Carol agrees to help, but only because their leader has a rare edition of Beverly Hills, 90210 on VHS.
“You owe us, Vers.” CAROL: “I don’t even owe my library a late fee.” [blows up his ship with a side-eye] Goose the “Cat” (But Worse) Goose is still a Flerken, but instead of tentacles, he vomits expired coupons and passive-aggressive sticky notes .
Here’s a humorous write-up for a , playing on her overwhelming power, amnesia-fueled origin, and deadpan personality. TITLE: Captain Mildly Annoyed Tagline: She’s the strongest hero in the universe. She’d just rather be anywhere else. Logline After crashing into a Cinnabon at the local mall, an amnesiac super-powered woman named Carol Dan-versus convinces herself she’s a retired assistant regional manager — until a shape-shifting Skrull in a knockoff Gucci tracksuit begs her to save a galaxy she doesn’t care about. Opening Scene (Parody Beat) [Explosions. Lasers. A Starforce spaceship spirals toward Earth.]