Last week’s faculty meeting had ended with Melissa calling Jacob a “gentrified hacky sack” after he suggested replacing detention with restorative yoga. Jacob, in turn, had challenged her to “settle it like adults.” Melissa heard settle it like Philly . And now here we were.
Janine Teagues never thought she’d be producing a pay-per-view event, yet there she was, holding an iPad above her head like the Statue of Liberty while Gregory Edmunds muttered into her shoulder.
And that’s how Abbott Elementary finally got a water fountain that didn’t spray sideways—and a faculty fight club that definitely, absolutely, would never happen again.